Day Ninety-two...

I haven't taken a Cymbalta since I don't know when. I may take one or two anecdotally, but I'm pretty done. Maybe it's time to wrap this thing up once and for all.

Day Ninety-one...

Haven't taken the pill for a while. The "withdrawal" for me was very mild. We'll see.

Day Ninety...

Wow, three months! And I've only taken it for two or less. Whoop dee doo. I think I'll take it once a week. It's not just how the medicine works, it's how we perceive it to work!

Day Eighty-nine...

Total insomnia last night. Maybe slept 3 hours tops. Took no pill today lest it send me into a murderous rage. Now time for sleep.

Day Eighty-eight...

No pill today. Saw another add for Cymbalta on TV. Same old bullshit: even the commercial plays up how it helps with bodyaches and pains and downplays how it helps actual depression itself. I'll bet you half the depressed people out there on medication are on meds because of the fucking media anyway. "If you're not a fabulous celebrity moviestar multimillionaire with killer abs, then there's something wrong with your life, you depressed loser. Here, we got this crap we're not even sure works, but take it anyway, maybe it'll make you feel better about your miserable life."

Day Eighty-seven...

The thing that sucks about Cymbalta, for me, is that it really does work well on the body aches and pains that "come from depression." It works well and it works fast. The other stuff it's supposed to do, to help you with, ehhhh, not so good. But now I'm trying to exercise more and get out into the light more often, so maybe that'll help overall. Also, I'm taking DHEA, which is a surprisingly effective med you can buy without a prescription. I just hope it doesn't give me manboobs or something.

Day Eighty-six...

Today was a very stressful day, not at all related to the meds. Just the ordinary tensions of life.

Day Eighty-five...

Didn't take one today. Won't take one tomorrow. Think I'll try to go every third with it. I was jittery all day yesterday. Today was better, emotionally and physically, for the most part. Had no physical stirrings...down there...all day long. That ain't cool.

Day Eighty-four...

I took 60mg this morning and it made me nervous and irritable all day. I don't know how some people can handle doses like 100 or 200mg. I do believe it helps with pain, though. Am I repeating myself? I don't know anymore. Sorry if I am. Sometimes it's hard to think, and I worry about my increasing absentmindedness. Maybe I'll quit all my meds and see what happens. You know it sucks when they keep your tool soft.

Day Eighty-three...

I can't believe there's actually people out there who read this foolishness of mine. Well, anyway today was a no-take-pill day, all part of my plan to see if I can use this crap medicine effectively enough to control my myriad aches and pains, which respond well to Cymbalta, while not messing myself up in other departments--koff, sexually, koff! So now I take 60mg every other day, been doing it for a few days, only because otherwise my body did indeed feel painful and creaky. When I take it I get gassy, sweaty, and queasy, but it passes and the benefits last about 48 hours. I went for a run today. It'd probably do me more good if I actually went to sleep at a decent hour once in a while though.

Day Eighty-two...

I took another capsule this morning. It's milder when done every other day. Sweats, slight queasiness, constipation, yep, they're all here. This must be strong shit to work the way it does after only two pills taken over the course of three days.

Day Eighty-one

Today was a non-pill taking day, yet I still felt the palliative effects. Hoorah! As far as that goes, this shit works quick. Increased flatulence, decreased appetite, check. Sweat? Mild dizziness? Yep. How exciting!

Day Eighty...

So today I went back on the Big C. The aches and pains were just getting unbearable. I've felt flatulent and a little groggy. But this time I'm only going to take it every other day and see how that works.

Day Sevnty-nine...

Sleepy. Took some Nyquil. Tomorrow I start on the big C again.

Day Seventy-eight...

I'm thinking I should go back on the Big C on a every-other-day basis only for the pain alleviating effects. I tell you there is a big difference in how your body feels physically on and off this drug. Sure, you can't ejaculate, but then again, everything that's been hurting for the last ten or twenty years is no longer hurting. It is amazing. But for depression it don't do shit.

Day Seventy-seven...

Stiffness. Aches and pains.

Day Seventy-six...

Meh. I'm back to spin my wheels some more.

Day Seventy-five...

I don't know how long I've been off this shit. All I know is I'm so incredibly angry all the time. I guess I'll make this my last post. It's so hard for me to make a decision or change a pattern of behavior. I don't know how or why I'm so depressed, but I'm beginning to believe it's not a chemical imbalance. It's because my life sucks so much and I'm too much of a coward and a weakling to try to change it. I can only dread the future, curse the past, and loathe the present. I am a thirsty man in hell.

Day Seventy-four...

Too tired.

Day Seventy-three...

All I do is exhausting. And I'm so angry.

Day Seventy-two...

Low energy, stiffness, aches and pains. Weiner's happier though.

Hmmm...

My muscle pains have returned.

Day Seventy...

I think this blog is pretty done for. I haven't taken a pill since I don't know when. Definitely felt a little less energized, a little gauzy-headed, but not so terribly bad as others had me thinking. Decisions are still hard things for me.

Day Sixty-nine...

Still off it. Headaches, bodyaches, boners.

Day Sixty-eight...

Another day without the pill. Holy shit the pain is coming back hard though my mood is better without the meds.

Day Sixty-seven...

Second day without a pill. I feel good, sharper, less logey. Hungrier, for sweets. Bodyaches coming back, though.

Day Sixty-five...

I forgot to take my stupid pill this morning because I ran out of them. Now my head and neck really hurt.

Day Sixty-five...

No anger today, no nervousness, not much to report. Wish I had more to say, but at the end of the day I'm tired and when I turn my mind's inward it doesn't see anything. I don't know if I'd say I'm less depressed. I'd say I'm more numb about it. Go figure. I should quit this shit.

Day Sixty-four....

A brief flash of range.

Day Sixty-three...

I felt angry and tired a lot today. And my neck hurts.