Saturday, July 14, 2007

Day 106...

Yeah, so I took a cap today. It really does help with pain. Speaking of pain, this stupid blog is a pain. I'm not really into, but I don't know how to quit it. Maybe this'll just be my last post.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Day 105...

So I didn't take a C today. Still felt the side effects, flatulence, loss of appetite, and also the side effects of withdrawal, tiredness and headaches. Fascinating.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Day 104...

Took another C today. Man, what a great appetite suppressant. It does work on pain too. Helped with a calmer overall mood as well. Nice.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Day 103

So I popped a C this morning, and lemme tell ya, if you've been off it for a while, then you take a cap, you really feel it. Not sure if I'll take another in the morning. We'll check our pain inventory and see.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Day 102...

Think I may just pop a C tomorrow for pain relief, so I'll be back.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Day 101...

This is silly. I should stop. But I fear change.

Day 100...

This might be it, the last post. We'll see.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Day Ninety-nine...

This blog will soon be at an end, OCD permitting. Thanks to anyone who read it and might have found the slightest bit of interest in it.

Friday, July 6, 2007

Day Ninety-eight...

Forced myself to go out today, but traffic was a pain, and I wasted a lot of time. I hope I won't do it tomorrow.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Day Ninety-seven...

Today felt like I was a PMSing little bitch. I feel overwhelmed with loneliness, a profound dread of the future, and a really strong sadness. I feel afraid that I'm starting to become really forgetful and clumsy and that that signifies the approach of some new and awful terror. Today for the first time in a long time I wished I had a C, to numb the pain. Better to feel nothing than to feel bad all the time.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Day Ninety-six...

Missed a post yesterday. So what? Didn't take the C again. I was having some fun for a change. If not for my OCD I would have finished up here a while ago, but I get how I get sometimes, and it's hard for me to change my obsessive behaviors and/or thought patterns. Wish I lived in California, where you can be legally prescribed pot for anxiety and depression.

Monday, July 2, 2007

Day Ninety-four...

No pill. Back ache and anxiety are somewhat returning. Have had a number of cigarettes in the last couple days, so that may account for anxiety. Will cut back tomorrow and take a klonipin too.

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Day Ninety-three

I can't make a simple decision to save my life. I haven't taken the Big C pill for a long time and I've been doing okay, but now that ache, that longterm, mysterious ache in my back is coming back again. Frankly, I didn't miss it, and I hate that it's coming back. The physical pain might be the only thing that makes me return to the Big C, since it sure as fuck doesn't help with depression.