Saturday, July 14, 2007

Day 106...

Yeah, so I took a cap today. It really does help with pain. Speaking of pain, this stupid blog is a pain. I'm not really into, but I don't know how to quit it. Maybe this'll just be my last post.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Day 105...

So I didn't take a C today. Still felt the side effects, flatulence, loss of appetite, and also the side effects of withdrawal, tiredness and headaches. Fascinating.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Day 104...

Took another C today. Man, what a great appetite suppressant. It does work on pain too. Helped with a calmer overall mood as well. Nice.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Day 103

So I popped a C this morning, and lemme tell ya, if you've been off it for a while, then you take a cap, you really feel it. Not sure if I'll take another in the morning. We'll check our pain inventory and see.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Day 102...

Think I may just pop a C tomorrow for pain relief, so I'll be back.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Day 101...

This is silly. I should stop. But I fear change.

Day 100...

This might be it, the last post. We'll see.

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Day Ninety-nine...

This blog will soon be at an end, OCD permitting. Thanks to anyone who read it and might have found the slightest bit of interest in it.

Friday, July 6, 2007

Day Ninety-eight...

Forced myself to go out today, but traffic was a pain, and I wasted a lot of time. I hope I won't do it tomorrow.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Day Ninety-seven...

Today felt like I was a PMSing little bitch. I feel overwhelmed with loneliness, a profound dread of the future, and a really strong sadness. I feel afraid that I'm starting to become really forgetful and clumsy and that that signifies the approach of some new and awful terror. Today for the first time in a long time I wished I had a C, to numb the pain. Better to feel nothing than to feel bad all the time.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Day Ninety-six...

Missed a post yesterday. So what? Didn't take the C again. I was having some fun for a change. If not for my OCD I would have finished up here a while ago, but I get how I get sometimes, and it's hard for me to change my obsessive behaviors and/or thought patterns. Wish I lived in California, where you can be legally prescribed pot for anxiety and depression.

Monday, July 2, 2007

Day Ninety-four...

No pill. Back ache and anxiety are somewhat returning. Have had a number of cigarettes in the last couple days, so that may account for anxiety. Will cut back tomorrow and take a klonipin too.

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Day Ninety-three

I can't make a simple decision to save my life. I haven't taken the Big C pill for a long time and I've been doing okay, but now that ache, that longterm, mysterious ache in my back is coming back again. Frankly, I didn't miss it, and I hate that it's coming back. The physical pain might be the only thing that makes me return to the Big C, since it sure as fuck doesn't help with depression.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Day Ninety-two...

I haven't taken a Cymbalta since I don't know when. I may take one or two anecdotally, but I'm pretty done. Maybe it's time to wrap this thing up once and for all.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Day Ninety-one...

Haven't taken the pill for a while. The "withdrawal" for me was very mild. We'll see.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Day Ninety...

Wow, three months! And I've only taken it for two or less. Whoop dee doo. I think I'll take it once a week. It's not just how the medicine works, it's how we perceive it to work!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Day Eighty-nine...

Total insomnia last night. Maybe slept 3 hours tops. Took no pill today lest it send me into a murderous rage. Now time for sleep.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Day Eighty-eight...

No pill today. Saw another add for Cymbalta on TV. Same old bullshit: even the commercial plays up how it helps with bodyaches and pains and downplays how it helps actual depression itself. I'll bet you half the depressed people out there on medication are on meds because of the fucking media anyway. "If you're not a fabulous celebrity moviestar multimillionaire with killer abs, then there's something wrong with your life, you depressed loser. Here, we got this crap we're not even sure works, but take it anyway, maybe it'll make you feel better about your miserable life."

Monday, June 25, 2007

Day Eighty-seven...

The thing that sucks about Cymbalta, for me, is that it really does work well on the body aches and pains that "come from depression." It works well and it works fast. The other stuff it's supposed to do, to help you with, ehhhh, not so good. But now I'm trying to exercise more and get out into the light more often, so maybe that'll help overall. Also, I'm taking DHEA, which is a surprisingly effective med you can buy without a prescription. I just hope it doesn't give me manboobs or something.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Day Eighty-six...

Today was a very stressful day, not at all related to the meds. Just the ordinary tensions of life.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Day Eighty-five...

Didn't take one today. Won't take one tomorrow. Think I'll try to go every third with it. I was jittery all day yesterday. Today was better, emotionally and physically, for the most part. Had no physical stirrings...down there...all day long. That ain't cool.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Day Eighty-four...

I took 60mg this morning and it made me nervous and irritable all day. I don't know how some people can handle doses like 100 or 200mg. I do believe it helps with pain, though. Am I repeating myself? I don't know anymore. Sorry if I am. Sometimes it's hard to think, and I worry about my increasing absentmindedness. Maybe I'll quit all my meds and see what happens. You know it sucks when they keep your tool soft.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Day Eighty-three...

I can't believe there's actually people out there who read this foolishness of mine. Well, anyway today was a no-take-pill day, all part of my plan to see if I can use this crap medicine effectively enough to control my myriad aches and pains, which respond well to Cymbalta, while not messing myself up in other departments--koff, sexually, koff! So now I take 60mg every other day, been doing it for a few days, only because otherwise my body did indeed feel painful and creaky. When I take it I get gassy, sweaty, and queasy, but it passes and the benefits last about 48 hours. I went for a run today. It'd probably do me more good if I actually went to sleep at a decent hour once in a while though.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Day Eighty-two...

I took another capsule this morning. It's milder when done every other day. Sweats, slight queasiness, constipation, yep, they're all here. This must be strong shit to work the way it does after only two pills taken over the course of three days.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Day Eighty-one

Today was a non-pill taking day, yet I still felt the palliative effects. Hoorah! As far as that goes, this shit works quick. Increased flatulence, decreased appetite, check. Sweat? Mild dizziness? Yep. How exciting!

Monday, June 18, 2007

Day Eighty...

So today I went back on the Big C. The aches and pains were just getting unbearable. I've felt flatulent and a little groggy. But this time I'm only going to take it every other day and see how that works.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Day Sevnty-nine...

Sleepy. Took some Nyquil. Tomorrow I start on the big C again.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Day Seventy-eight...

I'm thinking I should go back on the Big C on a every-other-day basis only for the pain alleviating effects. I tell you there is a big difference in how your body feels physically on and off this drug. Sure, you can't ejaculate, but then again, everything that's been hurting for the last ten or twenty years is no longer hurting. It is amazing. But for depression it don't do shit.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Day Seventy-seven...

Stiffness. Aches and pains.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

Day Seventy-six...

Meh. I'm back to spin my wheels some more.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Day Seventy-five...

I don't know how long I've been off this shit. All I know is I'm so incredibly angry all the time. I guess I'll make this my last post. It's so hard for me to make a decision or change a pattern of behavior. I don't know how or why I'm so depressed, but I'm beginning to believe it's not a chemical imbalance. It's because my life sucks so much and I'm too much of a coward and a weakling to try to change it. I can only dread the future, curse the past, and loathe the present. I am a thirsty man in hell.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Monday, June 11, 2007

Day Seventy-three...

All I do is exhausting. And I'm so angry.

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Day Seventy-two...

Low energy, stiffness, aches and pains. Weiner's happier though.

Saturday, June 9, 2007

Hmmm...

My muscle pains have returned.

Friday, June 8, 2007

Day Seventy...

I think this blog is pretty done for. I haven't taken a pill since I don't know when. Definitely felt a little less energized, a little gauzy-headed, but not so terribly bad as others had me thinking. Decisions are still hard things for me.

Thursday, June 7, 2007

Day Sixty-nine...

Still off it. Headaches, bodyaches, boners.

Wednesday, June 6, 2007

Day Sixty-eight...

Another day without the pill. Holy shit the pain is coming back hard though my mood is better without the meds.

Tuesday, June 5, 2007

Day Sixty-seven...

Second day without a pill. I feel good, sharper, less logey. Hungrier, for sweets. Bodyaches coming back, though.

Monday, June 4, 2007

Day Sixty-five...

I forgot to take my stupid pill this morning because I ran out of them. Now my head and neck really hurt.

Sunday, June 3, 2007

Day Sixty-five...

No anger today, no nervousness, not much to report. Wish I had more to say, but at the end of the day I'm tired and when I turn my mind's inward it doesn't see anything. I don't know if I'd say I'm less depressed. I'd say I'm more numb about it. Go figure. I should quit this shit.

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Day Sixty-four....

A brief flash of range.

Friday, June 1, 2007

Day Sixty-three...

I felt angry and tired a lot today. And my neck hurts.

Thursday, May 31, 2007

Day Sixty-two...

I don't know if it's my imagination, a psychosomatic type of thing, but it feels like that DHEA might have started to work immediately. This morning I felt very angry and irritable without cause, and in the afternoon I felt like I'd just had a workout and was rather confident in my physical appearance. For a while, I had a brief, precious sense of well being.

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Day Sixty-one...

My head's kind of throbbing right now, as if my blood pressure's spiking. I've felt overcaffeinated all day, although I only had my usual two in the morning. I feel tired and distracted and interested in nothing. I took a DHEA capsule to see what that's all about. It's supposed to be good for guys my age. I hope I'm not taking too much stuff. I'm taking Cymbalta, Singulair, and Lipitor. I take a multivitamin in the morning with my Cyumbalta, along with three saw palmetto caps and a couple milliliters of fo-ti. At night I take my other two scrips, plus vitamin C, Coenzyme Q10, three more saw palmetto caps, and now one DHEA cap. Is that a lot? I'm not eating very much these days, but the daily donuts and ice coffee are really keeping the fat glued on. I feel so lethargic all the time, so apathetic. I realize intellectually that this is not a good way to be, but physically and emotionally I can't help it.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Day Sixty...

Wow. Sixty days. Actually not really. I've missed a couple days here and there, including today. No major side effects, just a stiff neck and a funny taste in my mouth. Tomorrow I'll probably wake up with a massive woody. Damn antidepressants.

Monday, May 28, 2007

Day Fifty-nine...

I felt anxious, impatient, and ill-motivated today. Also, my stomach was bothering me slightly earlier. My outlook hasn't really improved that I can tell. In fact, I tend to be more short-tempered and angry since starting the Cymbalta. The only real benefit has been a disappearance of this longstanding back pain of mine.

Sunday, May 27, 2007

Day Fifty-seven...

I'm pretty sure this crap's not working for me, except to make me feel angry all the time. I can do that by myself, thank you very much.

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Day Fifty-six...

Today I had lunch with some people. I was nervous and tense and uncomfortable the whole time, but I have a feeling it could've been worse, if not for the numbing effect of the drug.

Friday, May 25, 2007

Day Fifty-five...

Very irritable these days, but not as anxious. Frequently tired.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Day Fifty-four...

Today I took my pill nice and early. I didn't feel much of anything with my stomach, but in the middle of the afternoon I crashed hard again and had to take a nap. The frustrating thing was of course that I couldn't sleep. So I just tossed and turned for a while. I do seem to be dreaming more lately. That's nice.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Day Fifty-three...

Yesterday I forgot to take my pill, and when I took it today, it was like a much milder repeat of my first experience, which was headachey and groggy. I took a nap immediately afterward and I had a couple of anxiety dreams and, I think, a couple erotic ones as well. Four dreams in an hour-long nap! I usually don't have that many dreams that I'm aware of in a month. I know I should eat better, get more rest, and exercise, but I just can't get motivated most of the time. Currently, this drug has markedly improved my everpresent mysterious pains and has numbed me to my psychic pain, but I can't say it's really elevated my mood. Drat.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Day Fifty-two...

I forgot to take my pill this morning. I don't want to take it now lest it keep me up all night. I hope I don't go crazy or something.

Monday, May 21, 2007

Day Fifty-one...

No appetite to speak of. Tense and tired all day.

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Day Fifty...

Felt nothing again today. Lately I do get flashes of intense anger, and it's hard to stay up late. But I'm not full of energy, nor am I superhappy. Far from it.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Day Forty-nine...

Just tired all the time.

Friday, May 18, 2007

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Day Forty-seven...

Today was okay, but I need to stop staying up so late. I need to sleep more, plain and simple.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Day Forty-five...

Very irritable all day long. Annoyed. Angry. Frustrated. Pissed off in general.

Monday, May 14, 2007

Day Forty-four...

Very tired and irritable all day long. I feel itchy and greasy. I feel like there's a great stink inside me.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

Day Forty-three...

Didn't notice anything today except waking up with a stiff neck.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Day Forty-two...

Feeling no lust today. Greatly diminished sperm production. Hard to make a decision. Hard to find the energy or the time to do stuff.

Friday, May 11, 2007

Day Forty-one...

I sure have been sweating a lot lately. Minimal exertion and moderate temps and humidity make me sweat like a madman.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

Day Forty...

Today I felt brighter and cheerier.

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Day Thirty-nine...

Sex drive gone, no energy, no spring. Just dragging myself around.

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Day Thirty-eight...

Somewhat queasy and irritable and sweaty today.

Monday, May 7, 2007

Day Thirty-seven...

Woke up fairly easy, the day seemed long. I felt a little queasy in the morning, then really tired around 3:00. Sort of hungry all day, but not bad. Felt angry and full of bitterness and self-pity.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Day Thirty-six...

I got up fairly easily today. Was pretty easygoing, relatively comfortable in an outside situation. Nothing major. Just feeling boring and flat.

Saturday, May 5, 2007

Day Thirty-five...

I don't know if I should continue with Cymbalta or this blog about Cymbalta. Neither one is doing anything for me, it feels like. I can barely make any sort of basic decision these days.

Friday, May 4, 2007

Day Thirty-four...

A Benadryl and some weird sandwich knocked me out for a bit this afternoon. Woke up with a great boner this morning. Functioned okay today, now I'm crashing.

Thursday, May 3, 2007

Day Thirty-three...

Major sugar cravings. Improved concentration and alertness. Less of a desire to sleep.

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Day Thirty-two...

Itchy scalp. No appetite, except an appetite for sweets and empty carbs. Man, I love Dunkin Donuts coffee! No bowel movement in two days. Reduction in semen production and erectile turgidity, but not in desire. Psycho-emotionally, I don't think I feel any different than before.

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

Day Thirty-one...

I should've run out of pills by now, but I've forgotten to take em a couple times. My main concern at this point is hair loss. That side effect seems to be sticking around while all the cool ones like enhanced energy and loss of appetite have faded.

Monday, April 30, 2007

Day Thirty...

I feel the occasional side effect like constipation still, but my appetite is back with a vengeance. I'm worried that I've plauteaued on this damn stuff. I get a few of the side effects with none of the benefits anymore. Maybe I should do one week on, one week off.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Day Twenty-eight...

Today I had a major headache after I took my meds, accompanied by a nonstop neck and shoulder ache that nothing helped with. I'm finding it harder to wake up in the morning. I worry now that my appetite is coming back with a vengeance.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Day Twenty-seven...

I forgot my pill yesterday. Today I had a sore neck and a headache. Otherwise everything was good.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

Day Twenty-six...

Forgot to take my capsule this morning, then forgot to take it all day. I feel fine so far, and now I'm going to bed so we'll see if it affects my dreams or anything. Some mild, possibly imagined pressure around the eyes today. No constipation. Some nice morning wood. It feels like I'm thinking clearly, yet it takes me forever to make a decision, and sometimes I have total failure of my short term memory. Although today I was able to recall things fairly well. Go figure.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Day Twenty-five...

Didn't feel much of anything today, whether it was emotional or physical, but I will mention I haven't felt that stabbing pain in my upper back for weeks now.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Day Twenty-four...

I actually noticed I felt positive about something today, like I had a sense I was looking forward to something. It's been a long time since I looked forward to anything. I feel pretty calm most of the time, well...at least not too panicky, anyway. My IBS seems well under control. I don't feel any sexual desire, but I'm not really getting much stimulation as far as that's concerned anyway. There's always tomorrow.

Monday, April 23, 2007

Day Twenty-three...

Today was so awful that it felt like it consumed every little bit of serotonin I might have amassed in my time on Cymbalta. I felt no side effects, except constipation. I felt no benefits, either. I hope I haven't plateaued on it already.

Sunday, April 22, 2007

Day Twenty-two...

Felt no effects today whatsoever.

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Day Twenty-one...

Three weeks already and what do I have to show for it? Something of an increase in energy, a slight improvement in overall outlook (or is it just a numbness), and a noticeable reduction in chronic pain (feet, back). No nausea, dizziness, or headaches. An increase in anxiety, but I've started drinking coffee again, so that may be the reason. Still dealing with constipation. Sexually, my tool seems to be working pretty good. Foodwise, my appetite's improved, which may not be such a good thing because I'm really craving sweets. Occasionally my immediate short-term memory goes out the window, or I'll feel a pressure in my eyes, a tension in my jaw and mouth, and a relaxation in my chin, a lessening of that scowl/smirk/pout I've been carrying along for far too long. Somehow, though I feel like I'm starting to feel better, I feel like I'm a blander person, less interesting or creative, which doesn't make sense since I'm actually more active now than earlier. And of course, any benefits could be dismissed as resulting in improved weather conditions. So none of this may be due to Cymbalta at all, but we shall see.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Day Twenty...

Immediate short term memory is a little problematic, as is waking up easily, although I have been going to bed late. Much physical pain is gone. Mentally I feel boring and dull and tired, especially in the evening. Major anxiety has abated. Appetite comes and goes, as does constipation.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Day Nineteen...

I'm starting to worry that the absence of side effects might mean an absence of effectiveness at all. Waking up has become less easy than it was; my appetite is coming back; my bowels are normal; my wiener is working the way it's supposed to. This is all good news. But now I'm thinking the mood improvement will start tapering off and my mood will plummet again, and that I'll gain weight.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Day Eighteen...

I keep hearing horror stories about side effects and withdrawal symptoms. My side effects were pretty mild and seem to have faded for the most part. Constipation and flatulence are gone. Afternoon logeyness has abated. And my schlong is working better all the time. I am feeling some facial tension still, but I kind of like it. I'm starting to feel more energized during the day. But at night still I get really tired. That pain in my back that shot through to the front hasn't made itself felt in days. My sciatica is acting up again, however. No relation to the Cymbalta, I'm sure. I hope...

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Day Seventeen...

My appetite seems to be coming back, but then again I went the whole day with little more than a couple pieces of toast.

Monday, April 16, 2007

Day Sixteen...

Day fifteen was a blur of activity with no time for reflection. What I noticed today was the abscence of pain in my back, a pain that's been there forever. But I'm too tired now, can't see straight let alone think straight.

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Day Fourteen...

Another day, another capsule. Hardly noticed anything at all today, except a sudden imperative need to move my bowels this afternoon. Quite a change from that bound up feeling. Unfortunately, it hit me out in the open and I was barely able to find a toilet in time. Hardly apropos to the previous, but my appetite is better today as well. Thoughtwise, one might say my mood is not entirely as black as it was before I started Cymbalta.

Friday, April 13, 2007

Day Thirteen...

I successfully moved my bowels this morning. Yippee. I took some Phillips last night so I wouldn't hurt myself or something after two days of eating crap and not taking one. So that's that. I actually felt downright positive for a period of time this morning. It didn't last long but I felt it nonetheless. I ate a little better today, actually having an appetite. Earlier this evening I was urinating when I felt a weird sensation in my genitals, almost like a feeling of near-ejaculation. So far every side effect has been transient, maybe the same will happen for any sexual side effect.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Day Twelve...

Overall I would note an increased ability to concentrate. My focus is pretty good, and I do feel a slight lift in mood, almost a hopefulness. A few times today I felt a brief sort of detachment, like I was watching myself in a movie, but I've felt that way often enough in the past to make me think it's not Cymbalta. I do feel like my short term memory is off though. Thoughts sometimes just slip out of my head. Lastly, I barely have an appetite and have not had a bowel movement in two days. Actually, however, these two things aren't bothering me so far, although I did take some milk of magnesia to avoid any problems. So there's day 12...

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Day Eleven...

I'm feeling a little more energized, but not especially elevated in mood. Briefly sweaty for a time this afternoon, but more chilly than anything else. Appetite's improving somewhat, as is erectile function. Orgasm is still quite labor intensive, however. I should try to sleep more and get some exercise.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Day Ten...

I was really busy today and didn't have anything to eat after breakfast till around five. Usually that makes me insanely cranky, but it wasn't so bad today. I read some scary message boards written by people who truly hated their Cymbalta experience, calling it "evil" and "poison" and saying their withdrawal symptoms were hellish. They told how they started at 30mg and felt awful, then quit and felt like they were dying. Kinda made me nervous. I started at 60mg and really didn't feel much. I'm slightly bound up and lacking much of an appetite or libido, but I'm not freaking out or anything. I think most of these folks with the horror stories are on a whole cocktail of psychoactive substances, so there's bound to be interactions. Either that or they're just plain crazy.

Monday, April 9, 2007

Day Nine...

Today I was very irritable and full of self-pity. Physically, I'm constipated and tired.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

Day Eight...

Tired and anxious. At night when I'm sleeping, for the last three nights I feel like I've been attacked.The first night it felt like someone smashed on top of the head with a frying pan. The second I got smacked in the face. Then last night it was like a I got smacked in the neck. This is weird, but maybe it's the nighttime demons trying to get into my head, which is chemically locked right now!

Saturday, April 7, 2007

Day Seven...

Took my pill nice and early this morning. Not much happened till around noon or one when suddenly a wave of tiredness came over me. It didn't last too long, however. Apart from that, nothing much happened. The only benefit I've noticed so far is being able to wake up relatively clearheaded in the mornings and not feeling so tired when I first get up. Also, I'm not quite so irritable. But I do get these sort of fugue states where I'll blank out in the middle of something and my mind will just go elsewhere. I'm not really worried. I tend not to worry about these things.

Friday, April 6, 2007

Day Six...

I was late in taking my pill today, but it doesn't seem to have made much difference in its enervating qualities. It hasn't made me nervous, but it still is robbing me of my appetite and giving me flatulence. I'm not feeling any eye stuff today, and honestly, some chronic pain has returned to parts of me. I am less irritable, I think, more "emotionally numb," and I mean that in a good way: I'm not welling up over dog food commercials, for instance. Full-on happiness still eludes me, but I'm less self-pitying. I'm still forgetful, but that's probably just tiredness.

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Day Five...

Today I felt a pleasant sort of pressure in my eyes, as if they're not so sunken as usual. I felt this once before when I went on my first antidepressant, Prozac. I felt like my concentration was enhanced. I was definitely not as irritable. I'm not very hungry. I've had a lot of flatulence all day. Lots of yawning. Boring, I know.

Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Day Four...

I'm waking up more easily. Slightly less sweaty today, and no chills at all. Lots of yawning. No appetite again. Not jittery at all, a little queasy, though. Foot and tailbone pain significantly reduced. Can't get much of woody at all.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007

Day Three...

No sweating, no nervousness, these are good things, but I also had no appetite, a very dry mouth, and some jaw and lip tension. I do feel more energized and am finding it easier to get up in the morning. Maybe there's slight reduction in negative thinking. So far so good.

Monday, April 2, 2007

Day Two...

So I took my second capsule this morning. Nothing major to report. It makes me feel like I've had too much coffee, and, oddly, a little stiff around my neck. I got the chills again late this afternoon, and I felt a little queasy and cotton-mouthed at times.

I woke up fairly easily today. I didn't have to crawl out of bed like usual and I did feel slightly more rested, despite not sleeping well during the night. Tonight I may take a Klonipin and see what happens.

I once had a strange vision that the base of our skulls at the back of our necks is where we are most vulnerable to losing our souls or demonic attack. I am reminded of this with my recent sensations. It feels like a slow leak in the back of my head is getting plugged. That's a good thing.

Day One...

I've been pretty miserable for the past several years, off and on, for a variety of reasons, but lately I've been under a lot of stress and this winter was especially hard on me, so after a number of unhappy, unproductive months of not being on any treatment, I finally got my ass to my shrink's office for some meds. I've been hearing a lot about Cymbalta, how it's an effective antidepressant that works on serotonin and norepinephrine, and also has an analgesic effect, and that sounds pretty good to me, since I am the poster boy for those "Depression Hurts" commercials, which flog Cymbalta. I don't know if there's anyone that wants to read this, but I thought it would be an interesting experiment for myself if I were to report my progress and experiences with this drug.

I took my first pill this morning, 60mg, around 8 o'clock. Around 11 or 12, I felt somewhat lightheaded for a brief time, but that passed soon. Later I started feeling like I had drunk too much coffee and yet I felt slightly sleepy. My focus and energy level do seem a little elevated, and my foot pain and low back pain seem lessened, but it's most likely psychosomatic. I've been yawning a lot, and sometimes I feel chills. I've also been quite flatulent today, starting around noon. I don't know if it's the drug, but the first time I ever tried an antidepressant, Prozac, it turned my stomach upside down. So we'll see. I think I'll go to bed now. I wonder if I'll have interesting dreams.