Day Thirty...

I feel the occasional side effect like constipation still, but my appetite is back with a vengeance. I'm worried that I've plauteaued on this damn stuff. I get a few of the side effects with none of the benefits anymore. Maybe I should do one week on, one week off.

Day Twenty-nine...

Symptoms: hair loss!!

Day Twenty-eight...

Today I had a major headache after I took my meds, accompanied by a nonstop neck and shoulder ache that nothing helped with. I'm finding it harder to wake up in the morning. I worry now that my appetite is coming back with a vengeance.

Day Twenty-seven...

I forgot my pill yesterday. Today I had a sore neck and a headache. Otherwise everything was good.

Day Twenty-six...

Forgot to take my capsule this morning, then forgot to take it all day. I feel fine so far, and now I'm going to bed so we'll see if it affects my dreams or anything. Some mild, possibly imagined pressure around the eyes today. No constipation. Some nice morning wood. It feels like I'm thinking clearly, yet it takes me forever to make a decision, and sometimes I have total failure of my short term memory. Although today I was able to recall things fairly well. Go figure.

Day Twenty-five...

Didn't feel much of anything today, whether it was emotional or physical, but I will mention I haven't felt that stabbing pain in my upper back for weeks now.

Day Twenty-four...

I actually noticed I felt positive about something today, like I had a sense I was looking forward to something. It's been a long time since I looked forward to anything. I feel pretty calm most of the time, well...at least not too panicky, anyway. My IBS seems well under control. I don't feel any sexual desire, but I'm not really getting much stimulation as far as that's concerned anyway. There's always tomorrow.

Day Twenty-three...

Today was so awful that it felt like it consumed every little bit of serotonin I might have amassed in my time on Cymbalta. I felt no side effects, except constipation. I felt no benefits, either. I hope I haven't plateaued on it already.

Day Twenty-two...

Felt no effects today whatsoever.

Day Twenty-one...

Three weeks already and what do I have to show for it? Something of an increase in energy, a slight improvement in overall outlook (or is it just a numbness), and a noticeable reduction in chronic pain (feet, back). No nausea, dizziness, or headaches. An increase in anxiety, but I've started drinking coffee again, so that may be the reason. Still dealing with constipation. Sexually, my tool seems to be working pretty good. Foodwise, my appetite's improved, which may not be such a good thing because I'm really craving sweets. Occasionally my immediate short-term memory goes out the window, or I'll feel a pressure in my eyes, a tension in my jaw and mouth, and a relaxation in my chin, a lessening of that scowl/smirk/pout I've been carrying along for far too long. Somehow, though I feel like I'm starting to feel better, I feel like I'm a blander person, less interesting or creative, which doesn't make sense since I'm actually more active now than earlier. And of course, any benefits could be dismissed as resulting in improved weather conditions. So none of this may be due to Cymbalta at all, but we shall see.

Day Twenty...

Immediate short term memory is a little problematic, as is waking up easily, although I have been going to bed late. Much physical pain is gone. Mentally I feel boring and dull and tired, especially in the evening. Major anxiety has abated. Appetite comes and goes, as does constipation.

Day Nineteen...

I'm starting to worry that the absence of side effects might mean an absence of effectiveness at all. Waking up has become less easy than it was; my appetite is coming back; my bowels are normal; my wiener is working the way it's supposed to. This is all good news. But now I'm thinking the mood improvement will start tapering off and my mood will plummet again, and that I'll gain weight.

Day Eighteen...

I keep hearing horror stories about side effects and withdrawal symptoms. My side effects were pretty mild and seem to have faded for the most part. Constipation and flatulence are gone. Afternoon logeyness has abated. And my schlong is working better all the time. I am feeling some facial tension still, but I kind of like it. I'm starting to feel more energized during the day. But at night still I get really tired. That pain in my back that shot through to the front hasn't made itself felt in days. My sciatica is acting up again, however. No relation to the Cymbalta, I'm sure. I hope...

Day Seventeen...

My appetite seems to be coming back, but then again I went the whole day with little more than a couple pieces of toast.

Day Sixteen...

Day fifteen was a blur of activity with no time for reflection. What I noticed today was the abscence of pain in my back, a pain that's been there forever. But I'm too tired now, can't see straight let alone think straight.

Day Fourteen...

Another day, another capsule. Hardly noticed anything at all today, except a sudden imperative need to move my bowels this afternoon. Quite a change from that bound up feeling. Unfortunately, it hit me out in the open and I was barely able to find a toilet in time. Hardly apropos to the previous, but my appetite is better today as well. Thoughtwise, one might say my mood is not entirely as black as it was before I started Cymbalta.

Day Thirteen...

I successfully moved my bowels this morning. Yippee. I took some Phillips last night so I wouldn't hurt myself or something after two days of eating crap and not taking one. So that's that. I actually felt downright positive for a period of time this morning. It didn't last long but I felt it nonetheless. I ate a little better today, actually having an appetite. Earlier this evening I was urinating when I felt a weird sensation in my genitals, almost like a feeling of near-ejaculation. So far every side effect has been transient, maybe the same will happen for any sexual side effect.

Day Twelve...

Overall I would note an increased ability to concentrate. My focus is pretty good, and I do feel a slight lift in mood, almost a hopefulness. A few times today I felt a brief sort of detachment, like I was watching myself in a movie, but I've felt that way often enough in the past to make me think it's not Cymbalta. I do feel like my short term memory is off though. Thoughts sometimes just slip out of my head. Lastly, I barely have an appetite and have not had a bowel movement in two days. Actually, however, these two things aren't bothering me so far, although I did take some milk of magnesia to avoid any problems. So there's day 12...

Day Eleven...

I'm feeling a little more energized, but not especially elevated in mood. Briefly sweaty for a time this afternoon, but more chilly than anything else. Appetite's improving somewhat, as is erectile function. Orgasm is still quite labor intensive, however. I should try to sleep more and get some exercise.

Day Ten...

I was really busy today and didn't have anything to eat after breakfast till around five. Usually that makes me insanely cranky, but it wasn't so bad today. I read some scary message boards written by people who truly hated their Cymbalta experience, calling it "evil" and "poison" and saying their withdrawal symptoms were hellish. They told how they started at 30mg and felt awful, then quit and felt like they were dying. Kinda made me nervous. I started at 60mg and really didn't feel much. I'm slightly bound up and lacking much of an appetite or libido, but I'm not freaking out or anything. I think most of these folks with the horror stories are on a whole cocktail of psychoactive substances, so there's bound to be interactions. Either that or they're just plain crazy.

Day Nine...

Today I was very irritable and full of self-pity. Physically, I'm constipated and tired.

Day Eight...

Tired and anxious. At night when I'm sleeping, for the last three nights I feel like I've been attacked.The first night it felt like someone smashed on top of the head with a frying pan. The second I got smacked in the face. Then last night it was like a I got smacked in the neck. This is weird, but maybe it's the nighttime demons trying to get into my head, which is chemically locked right now!

Day Seven...

Took my pill nice and early this morning. Not much happened till around noon or one when suddenly a wave of tiredness came over me. It didn't last too long, however. Apart from that, nothing much happened. The only benefit I've noticed so far is being able to wake up relatively clearheaded in the mornings and not feeling so tired when I first get up. Also, I'm not quite so irritable. But I do get these sort of fugue states where I'll blank out in the middle of something and my mind will just go elsewhere. I'm not really worried. I tend not to worry about these things.

Day Six...

I was late in taking my pill today, but it doesn't seem to have made much difference in its enervating qualities. It hasn't made me nervous, but it still is robbing me of my appetite and giving me flatulence. I'm not feeling any eye stuff today, and honestly, some chronic pain has returned to parts of me. I am less irritable, I think, more "emotionally numb," and I mean that in a good way: I'm not welling up over dog food commercials, for instance. Full-on happiness still eludes me, but I'm less self-pitying. I'm still forgetful, but that's probably just tiredness.

Day Five...

Today I felt a pleasant sort of pressure in my eyes, as if they're not so sunken as usual. I felt this once before when I went on my first antidepressant, Prozac. I felt like my concentration was enhanced. I was definitely not as irritable. I'm not very hungry. I've had a lot of flatulence all day. Lots of yawning. Boring, I know.

Day Four...

I'm waking up more easily. Slightly less sweaty today, and no chills at all. Lots of yawning. No appetite again. Not jittery at all, a little queasy, though. Foot and tailbone pain significantly reduced. Can't get much of woody at all.

Day Three...

No sweating, no nervousness, these are good things, but I also had no appetite, a very dry mouth, and some jaw and lip tension. I do feel more energized and am finding it easier to get up in the morning. Maybe there's slight reduction in negative thinking. So far so good.

Day Two...

So I took my second capsule this morning. Nothing major to report. It makes me feel like I've had too much coffee, and, oddly, a little stiff around my neck. I got the chills again late this afternoon, and I felt a little queasy and cotton-mouthed at times.

I woke up fairly easily today. I didn't have to crawl out of bed like usual and I did feel slightly more rested, despite not sleeping well during the night. Tonight I may take a Klonipin and see what happens.

I once had a strange vision that the base of our skulls at the back of our necks is where we are most vulnerable to losing our souls or demonic attack. I am reminded of this with my recent sensations. It feels like a slow leak in the back of my head is getting plugged. That's a good thing.

Day One...

I've been pretty miserable for the past several years, off and on, for a variety of reasons, but lately I've been under a lot of stress and this winter was especially hard on me, so after a number of unhappy, unproductive months of not being on any treatment, I finally got my ass to my shrink's office for some meds. I've been hearing a lot about Cymbalta, how it's an effective antidepressant that works on serotonin and norepinephrine, and also has an analgesic effect, and that sounds pretty good to me, since I am the poster boy for those "Depression Hurts" commercials, which flog Cymbalta. I don't know if there's anyone that wants to read this, but I thought it would be an interesting experiment for myself if I were to report my progress and experiences with this drug.

I took my first pill this morning, 60mg, around 8 o'clock. Around 11 or 12, I felt somewhat lightheaded for a brief time, but that passed soon. Later I started feeling like I had drunk too much coffee and yet I felt slightly sleepy. My focus and energy level do seem a little elevated, and my foot pain and low back pain seem lessened, but it's most likely psychosomatic. I've been yawning a lot, and sometimes I feel chills. I've also been quite flatulent today, starting around noon. I don't know if it's the drug, but the first time I ever tried an antidepressant, Prozac, it turned my stomach upside down. So we'll see. I think I'll go to bed now. I wonder if I'll have interesting dreams.